I'll Love You For Never
by Natvv
Summary: ONESHOT-Just after the beginning of Season 3. My return to the Chuck Fandom: Don't really want to summarise any more, for fear of going too far and spoiling it. Melodramatic, OOC, the more I read it the less I like it. Just please R&R T 'cuz I'm paranoid


**A/N:: First off, big thanks to Vera !! Not only did she Beta this for me, but she also came up with the title !!**

**And second, I'm finally back in the Chuck fandom !! I wasn't expecting this to be my first next [haha, confusing] Chuck fic, but it was.**

**It's not fluff like I love . . . quite the opposite . . . wrote this one night I was pretty depressed and PO'd. **

**So, I suppose I'll just get on with it. Here ya go !**

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Sarah was just sitting there in Castle. She was remembering what happened in Prague... playing it over and over in her mind. She knew she shouldn't think of it too much, and that it was no doubt eating away at her sanity, but she couldn't help but think of it. She had closed her emotions off to Chuck for so long, and she finally did something big. Something bigger than Barstow... she actually asked him to run away with her. All those years Chuck had loved her, and she could not show her love for him.

So, Sarah finally found an opportunity. She asked him to run away with her, just leave the spy world, leave Los Angelos, and never look back. Sarah was so happy that day, and it seemed Chuck was, too... but of course, all of that changed at the train station in Prague. Chuck broke her heart, but more, he had broken _her_. She finally trusted somebody, the one person she thought she could trust in the world, and he did that.

She went through torture for him, literally and figuratively. Every day in the beginning was torture. To fall in love with him, and not be able to show it, and to face the thought that in the spy world, anything could happen to him. Then, later, there was the day in Prague. That topped all of them.

So she played that day over and over in her head. Thought of how it was her fault, and that maybe she should've never asked him. Maybe she should've never even saved him when they went to Barstow. Maybe if she'dve just kissed him better, or maybe if she told him she loved him as soon as she admitted it to herself. Maybe even before then. Maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have left her there, her heart open to him, and he just walked away, left her there to die inside.

She dwelled over these possibilities every day, and every night. Tonight, she was sitting in Castle, alone, just sitting there, thinking. Maybe if she hadn't have pushed him so many times away, before, he wouldn't—Sarah's thoughts were cut off by the light flicking on. It was Chuck, casually walking down the stairs, into Castle. _How dare he_, she though to herself, as she watched his reflection, _how dare he act as though nothing even happened_?!

"Hey, Sarah. I thought I'd find you here," Chuck said softly.

Sarah turned around, to face him instead of his reflection, "And why were you looking for me?" She asked, trying to wipe all emotion out of her voice.

"I just wanted to apologize for Prague," he said, "I was really stupid, and I never should've left you there. I was hoping you'd give me a second chance..."

Sarah walked right over to him, and finally realized it: There was nothing she could've done. Chuck did that horrible thing that day, not her. He was the one at fault. Her eyes filled with rage when she looked him in the eye, and said, "No, Chuck! You do not have any fucking right to just waltz back in here, apologize, and hope things will go back to how they were before Prague! You fucked all up, you asshole! You fucked it up when you left me there at that train station! And now, you want me back, just because you realized that the whole spy life didn't work! I am your _second _fucking choice, and that's just wrong!" Sarah shouted at Chuck.

Chuck looked shocked, "Come on, Sarah, please! I was so stupid, and I'm sorry! And yeah, I am an asshole, I can't believe I did that, but I regret it! Sarah, please! I didn't mean to, it was just a moment of stupidity! I choose nothing over you!!" With that, he leaned in and kissed her.

Sarah jumped back and punched Chuck in the face, "Don't _ever _try that again," she said. She then kicked him in the kneecap, as if to make a point, and then she turned around to walk away.

Chuck fought it... he fought it as hard as he could, but he was no match for the sheer power of Intersect 2.0. He could feel his body surrendering to its control, and he fought his leg with all of his might, but it still flung out and kicked Sarah in the back, her head slamming against the stairs as she fell to the floor. He continued to fight the Intersect as he lowered down to the floor and leaned his knee on her neck, but it wasn't until then that he regained control of his body.

He jumped back immediately, then moved back to Sarah to check if she was okay. He put two fingers to her neck, to check her pulse. It was there... very slow, and very faint, but it was still there. Chuck sighed, but then noticed the blood. It was everywhere... trickling out of her mouth, and the back of her head, and dripping from the bottom stair to the floor. He ran to the first aid kit, and grabbed some gauze. He held the gauze to the back of her head, and used another piece to wipe the blood off of her.

Chuck's eyes were blurred with tears, but he knew he had to save her. He would never forgive himself if she died. He put his fingers to her neck, again, feeling her pulse. It was even fainter this time. Chuck knew she was dying, yet he refused to admit it until her pulse faded completely away. He laid down next to her body, and slept there that night. He was too horrified and depressed to even _think _about what he had done.

Sarah never imagined her death to be at Chuck's hands. In fact, she imagined quite the opposite. Probably a Ring agent, or whatever the next terrorist group would be. Several nights she dreamt of having a life with him. She dreamt of having children, of marrying him, and of buying a house together. She dreamt a life with no spy world, and she even imagined it during the day.

This was before Prague, before he broke her heart. He broke her heart, and ultimately killed her.

The next morning was when Chuck actually realized what he had done. He walked to the room of weapons, and picked up a gun. He walked back to Sarah, and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry, Sarah, I never meant to. I never meant to leave you at Prague, and I never meant to kill you. I know I lost the right to love you, but that doesn't change the fact that I do. I guess this is the end," he said, as tears ran down his cheeks, "I killed you... I can't believe it. I'm so sorry." With that, he pulled the gun up, cocked it, put it to his head, and pulled the trigger.

The same thought went through both of their heads as they died:_ I'm going to rot in Hell._

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**A/N:: Yepp. I really just did that. I really just killed off my favourite character, Sarah, and Asshole, too.**

**And yes, that's his new name, since Prague.**

**Sorry if Sarah's amount of profanity was OOC, but I love a cursing Sarah3**

**Hell, I love Sarah anything. **

**Speaking of, who all is going to see her at Tabu ?! I love living in Vegas because of this, but I hate stupid age limits on clubs. I'll be waiting outside all night, though :]**


End file.
